The Difference Between Self-Soothing and Self-Care—And Why It Matters This Summer
As the school year ends, most moms feel the pressure ramp up: camp registrations, vacation planning, childcare gaps, grocery runs, and the sudden shift in routine that summer demands. If you're also going through a divorce, those pressures are magnified. It’s not just the logistics—it’s the emotional weight of trying to hold it all together for your kids and yourself.
In these moments, many women instinctively reach for what soothes: an extra glass of wine, scrolling through social media, binge-watching TV late into the night, or zoning out with snacks in the pantry. And while there’s no shame in needing a break (we all do), it's important to know the difference between self-soothing and self-care—because they serve very different purposes.
What Is Self-Soothing?
Self-soothing is any activity that brings immediate emotional relief or distraction from discomfort. Think of it as emotional triage. It might be:
Eating something comforting
Watching a favorite show
Shopping online
Pouring a drink
Scrolling your phone
Self-soothing isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s necessary in small doses—especially during an emotionally taxing time like divorce. But the relief is temporary, and often, it doesn’t actually address the root of your exhaustion, stress, or sadness. It’s a momentary pause, not a path forward.
What Is Self-Care?
Self-care, on the other hand, is restorative. It supports your long-term well-being, even if it doesn’t feel as instantly gratifying. It often takes more intention, and sometimes more effort, but the payoff is deeper. Examples include:
Going to therapy or working with a coach
Moving your body (even for 10 minutes)
Journaling to process emotions
Setting boundaries with your ex or family
Asking for help (yes, even that counts)
Getting a full night of sleep
Self-care isn't always fun in the moment, but it's an investment in your future self—the one who wants to show up with clarity, resilience, and confidence for your kids and for yourself.
Why This Matters Now
During summer, routines often fall apart. The lack of structure can amplify the emotional chaos of divorce. It’s tempting to numb out instead of tune in. But here’s the truth: when you prioritize true self-care, you build strength. You build capacity. And you start creating a life beyond just reacting to what’s happening.
You don’t have to overhaul everything. Start small. Choose one thing this week that feels like true self-care. Maybe it’s saying no to one more playdate so you can have an hour of quiet. Maybe it’s finally booking that consult with a therapist. Or maybe it’s letting the laundry wait so you can go to bed early.
You Deserve More Than Survival
Divorce is hard. Summer is chaotic. You’re juggling a lot. But you deserve more than to just get through it. You deserve to heal, to grow, and to reclaim your sense of self.
Self-soothing might get you through the night.
Self-care will carry you through the storm.
