How to Cope When the Silence Feels Loud
As a single mom and divorce coach, I know the ache of a quiet house all too well. One moment, life is filled with backpacks by the door, sports schedules, laughter, sibling squabbles, and the never-ending “Mom, where’s my…?” The next moment, when it’s your co-parent’s time, that noise and energy vanishes. The silence can feel deafening.
Fall makes this especially noticeable. Between back-to-school, new routines, sports, and work, life becomes a frenzy. Our days are packed, and then—suddenly—it’s still. The quiet is meant to be a break, but often it just highlights the absence of our children and stirs feelings of sadness, loneliness, or even guilt for missing them so much.
First, let me say this clearly: your feelings are valid.
Missing your children is not a sign of weakness or failure—it’s a sign of deep love. You’ve been through a major transition, and adjusting to this new rhythm takes time.
Here are some ways to help you cope when the silence feels too loud:
1. Acknowledge and honor your feelings
Don’t try to stuff down the ache. Name what you’re feeling—loneliness, sadness, longing—and allow yourself space to grieve the moments you’re missing. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or working with a coach or therapist can help you process. Sometimes just saying out loud, “This is hard,” eases the burden.
2. Reframe the quiet
Instead of seeing the silence as emptiness, think of it as space. This is your chance to rest, recharge, and rediscover parts of yourself outside of being “Mom.” Make a list of things you rarely have time for when the kids are around—reading, painting, exercising, taking a long bath, or simply drinking coffee while it’s still hot—and give yourself permission to enjoy them.
3. Create intentional routines
The stillness can feel overwhelming if you drift aimlessly through it. Create small rituals that help you look forward to this time. Maybe it’s a Friday night dinner with a friend, a Saturday morning yoga class, or even a dedicated project—like decluttering or planting fall mums—that brings a sense of purpose and grounding.
4. Stay connected with your kids, without overdoing it
Depending on their ages and co-parenting agreements, a quick text, silly meme, or “goodnight” message can bridge the gap. It reassures them you’re thinking of them without making them feel caught in the middle. Remember—connection doesn’t have to be constant to be meaningful.
5. Plan for your reunions
When the kids come back, focus on quality time over quantity. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—apple picking, baking cookies, or a simple family movie night can create memories and anchor your time together. Even the rituals of everyday life, like cooking dinner side by side or walking the dog, help rebuild your rhythm.
6. Lean into your support system
You don’t have to sit in the silence alone. Reach out to other single parents, join a support group, or spend time with friends and family who lift you up. The more connected you feel to your wider community, the less heavy the quiet will feel.
Final thoughts.
Parenting after divorce is full of paradoxes: longing for a break and then aching when you get one, celebrating independence while mourning what’s been lost. You’re not alone in this. With time, the silence won’t always feel so sharp. It can even become a space where you rediscover your strength, passions, and peace.
So the next time the silence feels loud, take a deep breath. Remember—it’s just one part of your story. And when your kids come back through that door, your house (and your heart) will be full again.
